Blog

Why chasing the climax can actually kill your connection—and what to focus on instead. If you think orgasm is the goal of sex, then you’re putting not only undue pressure on yourself and your partner but missing the bigger picture. Somewhere along the line, we turned sex into a competitive sport with one very clear finish line: orgasm. We measure “good sex” by how many, how fast, how often. But...

  Let’s be honest — the idea of scheduling sex sounds about as romantic as scheduling a dental cleaning. Most couples roll their eyes when I suggest it. “Seriously, Xanet? You want us to put sex on the calendar? Should we also set a reminder to brush our teeth while we’re at it?” But here’s the thing: if you’re like most couples I work with, you’re juggling full plates — kids, work, aging...

For many women, crossing into your 40s is a turning point. Life feels full with careers, family, friendships, responsibilities and yet when it comes to intimacy, something can feel missing. Desire shifts. Energy dips. And sometimes you wonder if your best years of passion are behind you. Here’s the truth: they aren’t. In fact, life after 40 can be the most powerful, connected, and sexually fulfilling chapter yet. Why Desire...

  Lately, I’ve had a number of clients who are dealing with infidelity in their marriages. Without a doubt, this is one of the most challenging issues I work with—and it’s a huge rupture in trust. The sense of betrayal is immense. The partner who was cheated on begins to question everything they thought they knew: “Were they really at a friend’s house that night?” “Was that business trip actually a cover?”...

  You’ve done the hard work. You’ve built a career. Raised a family. Navigated the pressures of modern womanhood. Maybe you’ve made it to the top of your field, or maybe you’re the CEO of your home. Maybe you’ve created wealth, or you’re in the process of redefining your relationship with it. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, here’s the truth: There comes a point where pushing harder stops working....

It’s one of the most common concerns women bring to me: “I don’t want sex anymore.” Often, they feel broken or fear something is wrong with them. But women don’t lose desire because they’re defective. They lose desire because the conditions for intimacy aren’t there; safety, time, connection, and the kind of sex that actually works for their bodies. In my Women’s Masterclass on Desire, I walk through five of...

When Sex Feels Like a Chore A client once sat across from me, her voice barely above a whisper. “I say yes even when I want to say no. I don’t want to disappoint him, so I push myself to go through the motions. But afterward, I feel even more disconnected—from him, and from myself.” This is the quiet reality of obligation sex. It’s common, it’s painful, and it’s rarely talked about...

  Let’s be honest: between work, kids, stress, and the endless scroll of life, romance often becomes an afterthought. Spontaneous kisses turn into quick pecks before heading out the door, and candlelit dinners get replaced by leftovers in front of the TV. But romance isn’t a luxury. It’s a lifeline. Especially for women. When I lead couples retreats—whether it’s a Couples Intimacy Retreat in Asheville or a Luxury Couples Retreat in Costa Rica—one...

The Intimacy Retreat Experience: What Really Happens "My partner and I were on the verge of breaking up when we first met with Xanet. I honestly didn't know what to expect from a couples retreat. Would it be awkward? Would we just talk about our feelings for three days?" These were the exact thoughts Lisa shared after attending a couples intimacy retreat. Like many couples, she and her partner had...

Why is emotional safety in relationships the real key to deep intimacy? Let me ask you something personal:When was the last time you felt emotionally safe with your partner? Not just physically secure—but emotionally held, seen, and understood? When I ask couples this at my retreats, there’s often a long pause. Some smile wistfully. Others get teary-eyed. Many simply don’t know. We’re taught to prioritize communication, compatibility, even passion. But...