Blog

  You’ve done the hard work. You’ve built a career. Raised a family. Navigated the pressures of modern womanhood. Maybe you’ve made it to the top of your field, or maybe you’re the CEO of your home. Maybe you’ve created wealth, or you’re in the process of redefining your relationship with it. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, here’s the truth: There comes a point where pushing harder stops working....

It’s one of the most common concerns women bring to me: “I don’t want sex anymore.” Often, they feel broken or fear something is wrong with them. But women don’t lose desire because they’re defective. They lose desire because the conditions for intimacy aren’t there; safety, time, connection, and the kind of sex that actually works for their bodies. In my Women’s Masterclass on Desire, I walk through five of...

When Sex Feels Like a Chore A client once sat across from me, her voice barely above a whisper. “I say yes even when I want to say no. I don’t want to disappoint him, so I push myself to go through the motions. But afterward, I feel even more disconnected—from him, and from myself.” This is the quiet reality of obligation sex. It’s common, it’s painful, and it’s rarely talked about...

  Let’s be honest: between work, kids, stress, and the endless scroll of life, romance often becomes an afterthought. Spontaneous kisses turn into quick pecks before heading out the door, and candlelit dinners get replaced by leftovers in front of the TV. But romance isn’t a luxury. It’s a lifeline. Especially for women. When I lead couples retreats—whether it’s a Couples Intimacy Retreat in Asheville or a Luxury Couples Retreat in Costa Rica—one...

The Intimacy Retreat Experience: What Really Happens "My partner and I were on the verge of breaking up when we first met with Xanet. I honestly didn't know what to expect from a couples retreat. Would it be awkward? Would we just talk about our feelings for three days?" These were the exact thoughts Lisa shared after attending a couples intimacy retreat. Like many couples, she and her partner had...

Why is emotional safety in relationships the real key to deep intimacy? Let me ask you something personal:When was the last time you felt emotionally safe with your partner? Not just physically secure—but emotionally held, seen, and understood? When I ask couples this at my retreats, there’s often a long pause. Some smile wistfully. Others get teary-eyed. Many simply don’t know. We’re taught to prioritize communication, compatibility, even passion. But...

The Pursuer–Distancer Dynamic: Why Love Feels Like a Tug-of-War—and How to Stop the Cycle Ever feel like you’re chasing your partner—or constantly being chased? This emotional push-pull is called the pursuer–distancer dynamic, and it’s one of the most common, yet most misunderstood, patterns that couples fall into. But here's the truth: it’s not about love being absent. It’s about nervous systems in distress, attachment wounds that haven’t healed, and communication...

Building Emotional Connection with Your Partner: The 3 Phases That Matter Building emotional connection with your partner takes more than chemistry—it follows a natural progression through three distinct stages of intimacy. Recognizing which phase you’re in can transform your relationship from one of friction or validation to one rooted in deep emotional and physical union. 🔥 Stage 1: Friction Sex – The Spark of New Love In this first phase,...

Overcoming the Challenges of Being in a Sexless Marriage For many couples, the challenges of being in a sexless marriage don't just live in the bedroom—they echo through every conversation, every silence, every sidelong glance across the dinner table. It’s a quiet ache that’s hard to name.And even harder to talk about. I know, because I’ve been there. I spent over 26 years in a marriage that functioned on the...

In today’s culture, the pressure to perfect our bodies is relentless—and often invisible. For many women, and even couples, this pressure has quietly returned, masked as wellness, discipline, or even spiritual devotion. But in my years of leading Couples Intimacy Retreats, I’ve seen firsthand: deep intimacy cannot grow in a body—or relationship—ruled by shame. A Culture of Shrinking—and Its Cost to Intimacy From green juice influencers quoting scripture to hashtags...